Here are some pieces of a journal entry I wrote during our FOB (flat on bunk) time on Friday of this last week...
What a day today! Last night I was really down and discouraged, and my desires were for anything BUT being here doing what I'm doing...I went to sleep begging God to give me rest adn escape and a fresh start with a fresh spirit in the morning. I woke up to Haley whispering that I was on the schedule for ropes set up and it was 6:45am--the time I was supposed to be out on the ropes. I had completely slept through my alarm...I shot out of bed and for the first tiem all week--and probably a while before that--I wasn't sleepy waking up! You know when you sleep so heavily adn you feel like you've just been absent for a long time? That was how I felt! Praise the Lord for that answer to prayer!
Anyways, I was already late so I threw my clothes on and ran outside. I was in a somewhat pleasant mood until I was setting up the giant swing and I couldn't do it right because it was missing a carabiner. Needless to say, I was already in a rough mood heading back to my cabin to help Annette get our girls to breakfast. I have been realizing something about my heart this week. I know that as Christ-followers, we are able to have the sustaining joy of the Lord ALWAYS. There may be struggles that bring us down a bit we have JOY at our foundation. My heart has not been like that recently, however. The root of my attitude has been discontenment and sometimes when things are are fun or go well, I feel happy and my mood is brightened. This is NOT a very satisfying way to live...I have been finding myself desiring so many things that I don't have in my life right now--home, family, theatre, my voice (I am not able to take care of it the way I do at school), DANCING, friends from school, etc. One of my sweet friends, Lauren, asked at breakfast how I was doing and I told her how I was frustrated with the way I was feeling. She just encouraged me and said she'd be praying for me--and I knew she would.
After breakfast we headed to morning chapel and reflection groups (small groups which went really well) then we headed to the BOATS for our first activity. It's always great to have boats at the end of the week because we know the girls well by then and it's that much more fun to ride with them! Anyways, we have a new tube that is much bigger than the one we'd been using and it was my first time riding on it. Tubing is my absolute FAVORITE thing to do here!! I even got a counselor ride by myself after all the girls had gone so that the girls could watch me go flying and get thrown around--SO FUN :)
Then we switched to the banana boat and I was riding on the back with 5 of the girls in front of me and just kept wrestling in my heart with WHY I was so discontented when I have a SWEET job here-- that's just really hard sometimes--but I get to see God work every day! The verse I'd been clinging to all week is Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." But another verse also popped into my mind right then--Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Suddenly it clicked for me. My OWN desires are not satisfying to me and a lot of them cannot even be fulfilled right now. So many of them are selfish desires that create an unfulfilling and never ending sense of greed in my heart. But for the first tiem that verse meant something to me that it never has before. It doesn't mean that if I delight in Him, He will reward me by giving me what I want. No, it means that when I delight in Him, He will give me things TO DESIRE that are His desires. What a difference! My heart was immediately encouraged. Now my question is how exactly do I fully delight in the Lord? Still meditating on that one... :)
After boats we went to the pool and Annette (my co-counselor) came up to me and said, "I want to serve you today. What would you like to do for this activity--lifeguard or run the games?" I was SO blessed by that! I was able to lifeguard and not talk--I've been struggling with a scratchy throat and a hoarse/strained voice. After the pool we headed to lunch and one of my girls came up to me with her Bible and asked if she could show me some verses that she'd found and underlined on her own. We spend probably 10 minutes before lunch started looking at each verse and talking through what each one meant. I would ask her what each verse meant to her and we'd break it apart and talk through it. At the beginning of the week this same girl had told me that she didn't like to read the Bible because she never understands all the big words but she was telling me what the verses meant! It was incredible to see right then that the Holy Spirit brings UNDERSTANDING to those who read the Word. I also got a letter from one of my campers who was here a few weeks ago, and she asked so many questions about camp but at the end of the letter she said, "The most important question I have is are you doing your devotions? I am." SO PRECIOUS.
God is showing me that He is FAITHFUL. Even when it's hard to be here. He is giving me opportunities to sing (helping lead worship this last week and singing the National Anthem on July 4th) and I'm in a drama that runs as a continuing story for the campers throughout the week. He knows what He's doing with me here and He is gently giving me the sustaining strength to TRUST that.
Sorry this post is pretty long! I wanted to let you know a little bit of what a day looks like here! Love you all--thank you SO MUCH for your prayers!
